The final footsteps

I know I am being over dramatic about this but it’s me so don’t expect anything less.

I can’t decide what I am. I haven’t been happy in a long time and I’m getting there, but I’m freaked out because I can’t live in the fucking moment. It’s me- I’m already worried because “I am afraid to be happy because whenever i get too happy, something always bad happens.” I love my best friends and I really like this one guy but I can’t help thinking it’s too late and it’s too good to be true. There’s no one he could ever like me and I think he’s changing his mind.

& tonight was my last companions meeting at church. Yeah, I really did not like it that much, but that’s how i got close to Marissa and Val, so I appreicate it so much. I did like it at some points. I said goodbye to Zach and Alex and wished them luck in their future, and it was sad. I wasn’t close to them at all; I just know the odds of seeing them are slim to none and it’s weird. I hate Goodbyes. Any kind of goodbye to anyone. No tears we’re shed but my heart hurts.Thinking about the goodbyes in august already is paining me. I just need to stop thinking about it, but I can’t. I need someone to talk about this with.

& tonight began the first night (of many to come) of tears because of goodbyes

I have to chose between my boobs being big or my body being slim? Why can’t I have the best of both worlds? #FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS